I think my fart just growled at me.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was born a porn star she said
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
