I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
