Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
