i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
