Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
