I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I forget how to act sober
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