And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
