Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
