I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The ass gains better be worth it
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