We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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