why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
