oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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