somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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