Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
