thus making me awesome and them whores
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
