Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the day after is always just damage control
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
