I hope my margaritas pass through security.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
