i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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