Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
