He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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