So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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