The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
