everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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