We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
