im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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