he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
