Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
