I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
