Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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