I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
