Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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