do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Randomize