I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think my fart just growled at me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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