I didn't shave. On purpose
well I can't set my house on fire every night
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
