im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
