Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
