Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
