rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
