I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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