I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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