i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
