Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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