we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
