I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
