Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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