I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
