I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
