he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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