I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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