I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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