Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
