what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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