all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
