So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
