So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
