Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize