lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
