Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
