So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this beer tastes like vomit already
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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