that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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