don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize