I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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