Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
