There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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