Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
