How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
