the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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