I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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