Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
